The Horrors of the Crab-Man Epidemic

The Horrors of the Crab-Man Epidemic

Picture of a Crab-Man in a dark allyway at night

It is very well documented phenomina, the Crab-Man has been documented a total of 25,000 times in the US alone from 2023 to 2024, orginating from the Andromeda Galaxy they are known to live among humans, they are extrmely hostile and have been known to attack humans by shouting aggresivly in a british accent.

DO's and Donts of a Crab-Man Encounter

For your survival, it's Imparative that you take the correct actions if you ever encounter a Crab-Man, depending on the choices you make you will either go home safley or end up meeting a gruesome end at the wierd fleshy claw things of a Crab-Man

DON'T

  1. Try to speak to the Crab-Man it will probably try and sell you something
  2. Try to fight the Crab-Man, they are known gym rats and will overpower you
  3. Try to pay the Crab-Man to leave you alone, they only accept cash payments and nobody carries that anymore

DO

  1. Avoid Direct eye contact,this can be accomplished by looking at your phone an prentending you dont see them
  2. Throw pocket change at them to distrace them while you make your escape(they like shiny objects)
  3. Play loud Heavy Metal Music it will scare them and make them run away

If you have any more questions about Crab-Men or you or a loved one has been negativly impacted you can contact the organization for more information in these dark times it's alwasy good to remeber to great words of our fouding member Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

"We must accept a finite amount of dissapointment, but never lose infinite hope"
-Dr. Martine Luther King Junior